


Waiting

by Zenece



Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-15
Updated: 2013-07-15
Packaged: 2017-12-20 06:55:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,647
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/884271
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zenece/pseuds/Zenece
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Janeway's thoughts and feelings when B'Elanna is lost (episode 'Muse').</p>
            </blockquote>





	Waiting

I don’t know how much more of this I can take.   
I can’t eat, I can’t sleep. I can’t even breathe. 

As soon as the doors to my Ready Room close, I fall to my knees and burry my face in my hands. Eight days. A raw sound escapes my throat. Eight days and we haven’t heard from her. From them. 

I have to muster up all my strength not to do myself what I just denied Tom Paris to do: take a shuttle and go look for her planet by planet by planet. She can’t be gone. Not her. 

I look at my hands. They’re wet. I’m crying.   
With effort I get up from the floor and drag myself to the couch.   
‘Where are you?’ I whisper to the stars. 

~

She giggles and I smile in surprise. I never heard her giggle before.   
“What?” She asks, a little shy all of a sudden because I’m staring.

“You’re so gorgeous when you giggle.” I breathe. My eyes dance over her face, trying to take it all in at once. And my breath catches in my throat at the smoldering look she gives me. 

“You need to get out more.” She winks. The fondness drips from her voice.

With one fluent move, I straddle her on the couch.   
Slowly, my hand comes up to her face and plays with her hair. While I focus on the dark brown strands I raise an eyebrow. “Well... I was kind of hoping...” My eyes briefly flirt with hers as I bite my lower lip and take the next step in this newly blossoming relationship. “... to stay IN tonight...” 

“I can’t.” She whispers. 

My face falls. “Oh...”   
I start to get up but she grabs my head in both hands. She kisses me hard and demanding and leaves me out of breath. 

“I want this to happen, you have no idea how much, but I can’t.” 

I nod, still a bit dazzled from that kiss. 

“I leave at oh-sixhundred tomorrow. Tom will get suspicious if I’m not in our quarters to sleep.” She explains to me. 

I nod again, this time trying not to show my disappointment.   
Her hands are still on my cheeks, burning through the skin. 

She smiles at me with twinkling eyes. “I’ll hurry back to ‘stay in’ with you. Because that’s where I want to be.” 

That helps. A genuine smile sways around my lips. I move to stand and pull her up against me. “I’ll be waiting.”   
I kiss her slowly, savoring her taste, so foreign yet so familiar. 

With a lazy smile, I draw back. “Goodnight then, my little explorer.”

She briefly presses her lips against the tip of my nose. “Goodnight Kathryn.”

Just before she reaches the door she turns around and gives me a lopsided grin. Then the door opens and closes and she’s gone, leaving a wake of excitement in my heart. 

~

“Delta Flyer to Voyager.”

Her voice is brisk and pleasant. I catch myself smiling. “Go ahead Lieutenant.”

“Captain, we found large deposits of dilithium on the second planet of this system. We’ll be landing the Flyer to collect what we need.”

Business as usual. I can’t help but wonder if a little bit of her mind is occupied with what will happen when she comes back. My mind certainly is.   
“Acknowledged Delta Flyer. Don’t be too long!” 

Next to me Chakotay sends me an assessing look, then shrugs. It seems the impatience in my voice was obvious. Ah, who cares. I feel like I can take on the whole Delta Quadrant. 

B’Elanna is positively grinning as she replies. “Don’t worry Captain, we’ll be back before you know it!” 

I have the decency to blush a little. 

~

Voyager rocks a little and my head snaps up in alarm. Throwing my PADD on my desk, I stalk out of the Ready Room and onto the Bridge.  
“Report!”

“We’ve been thrown off course.” Tom Paris informs me.   
My head snaps to OPS. “Cause?” 

The ensign replacing Harry Kim is furiously tapping her panel. “Some kind of spatial eddies, Captain.” She replies. “I can’t locate their source.” 

With a curt nod I acknowledge her answer and fire my next question. “The Flyer?” 

Her head swings to the right and stops in mid shake as if she doesn’t want to finish it. She looks up. “No sign of them Ma’am.” 

“Voyager to Delta Flyer.”

Nothing.

“B’Elanna, Harry, respond!”

In command mode I don’t even notice the flutter of my stomach.   
“Tom set a course for the last known coordinates of the Flyer.”   
I tap my combadge. “Janeway to Astrometrics. Seven? Scan for signs of the Delta Flyer on the planet.” 

“Yes Captain.” Comes the solemn reply. “But the eddies will have thrown the Flyer considerably off course. It’s possible they had to land somewhere else. It will take some time to conduct a complete sensor sweep.” 

I nod to the ensign at OPS. “Assist her from here and let me know when you find something.” 

~

It’s now been ten days without any sign. You could be injured or dying. You could be dead already. I will myself not to think about that. But it’s hard. 

The door chime sounds. 

“Come in.” My voice sounds raspy. 

Chakotay steps inside the Ready Room, holding a PADD. His face looks gloom as he makes his way towards me. 

“If that was good news, you’d be smiling.” I creak. 

“I was just contacted by an alien transport vessel.” He hands me the PADD. “They picked up the Delta Flyer’s distress call.”

I interface it with my computer and it shows a grainy, flickering image of my B’Elanna calling for assistance while trying to keep her ship in one piece. Her voice is laced with static. ‘The primary controls are offline. I’ve ordered Harry to eject. I still have thrusters. I’m setting a course for an L class planet. I’ll try to maintain contact.’

I keep staring at the screen as Chakotay starts talking. “They couldn’t get a fix on her position. That was ten days ago.”

“B’Elanna ordered Harry into an escape pod.” I say, turning to Chakotay. “What’s the longest he could survive?”

He looks down briefly. “Less than ten days.” 

“An L class planet.” I state abjectly. 

Chakotay nods. “I’ve already narrowed the search parameters.” 

A spec of hope flares up inside me. “If B’Elanna made it there, it’s possible Harry did, too.” 

The look on his face shows that reality might be a little grimmer. 

I close my eyes and nod in acknowledgement. “Good night, Commander.” 

“Captain.” He turns around and leaves. 

I turn back to the screen that still holds a marbled version of the face of the woman I love. Desperation strengthens its grip on me as a sob escapes my throat. Why you? 

~

Again, sleep doesn’t come easy to me. I can barely keep my eyes open, but when I close them it’s even worse. Warped visions of you, combined with restless tossing and turning. I hear you scream my name in a whisper. Your hands are burning on my cheeks. 

And then I see you floating in the distance and stretch out to grab hold of you. But my arms are too short. “Come back to me.”   
There’s no reply. 

The chirp of a combadge works its way through the thick haze of my nightmares.   
“Bridge to Janeway.” 

I support my weight on one elbow while tapping the combadge on the nightstand. “Janeway here.” My voice sounds rough. 

The somewhat elated voice of Tuvok fills my ears. “I’m sorry to wake you Captain, but we’ve just received a message from the Flyer.”

“Are they alright?” I shriek. 

“They are, Captain.” Tuvok tells me in his typical way. “Both the Flyer and the escape pod have landed on an L class planet in an F-type star system approximately five point two light years away. We’re on course to rendezvous with them now.”

I nod, forgetting he can’t see me. “Thank you Tuvok.” The relief is evident in my voice. 

I fall back on the bed; my arms spread out, and let out a deep breath. My stomach is dancing around inside me.   
Five point two light years. That’ll take us a couple of hours. Although euphoria won’t let me sleep. I get up and dress, counting the hours, minutes and seconds.

~

“Energize.” 

She shimmers into existence again, her eyes darting through the room to settle on my face. She smiles. 

Tom Paris leaps on the transporter pad and encloses her in his arms. “B’Elanna!”   
She feebly returns his hug. Her eyes stay locked with mine. 

I beam at her. “It’s good to have you both back.” 

“Thank you Captain, it’s good to be back.” Harry replies, not noticing that I can’t tear my eyes away from B’Elanna’s. 

I nod in acknowledgement. “You should both report to Sickbay. Doctor’s orders.” 

“Yes Ma’am.” They reply in unison. 

As they file out of the transporter room, I manage to briefly place my hand on the small of B’Elanna’s back and notice her breath quickening.   
“See you later.” I whisper quickly in her ear, throwing caution to the wind, and leave her to her medical check up. 

~

Faster than expected the door chime to my quarters sounds. 

We’re catapulted into each other’s arms, clinging to one another like there’s no tomorrow. I breathe in her scent. 

“Will you stay with me tonight?” I whisper in her ear. 

“Yes.” She breathes. 

I feel like I’m going to burst. “When was the last time you slept?” I ask her. 

“About thirty hours ago.” She’s got the slightest frown on her face. 

“In that case,” I grin, “I officially declare it ‘night’ right now.” Taking her hands in mine, I lead her to the bedroom, where I intend to do nothing else than just hold her while she sleeps. For now.


End file.
